Time

I wonder... if we all had only 1 week left to live, what would we do with that time? I bet it's not everything what we're doing now. So why don't we do those things anyway before it's too late... is it cause it's already too late for those things???? Is it ever really too late? Dunno.... if it was then why would we do it in that week... surely that proves it's never too late... ?? going crazy here!!

Videos tomorrow cancelled :(

I was meant to be filming a live session tomorrow for online promo of original + cover songs but it's now having to be rescheduled since one of the musicians didn't realise he's already booked for another gig and the lady filming it (who has the big pro cameras!) also can't make it. I'm bummed. Was well excited to get first videos up. Trying to reschedule a.s.a.p but now it's looking like the earliest I can get everyone free at the same time is mid-April!!! Nothing I can do since I'm pulling favours from everyone and hustling like crazy... Oh, to have money...

Well, anyway. Here's one of the songs I was thinking about covering in the shoot. Tried out a bunch and don't think this is gonna be one I do (just don't think it's the 'right' one), but absolutely love this song and think this section is one of the best parts from any song ever. So simple but so good. Shitty quality recording, just me and my guitar recorded live on my Macbook Pro dictaphone. The real videos are gonna be recorded in super ultra pro amazing HD or whatever the hell they are calling it these days

Coldplay - Fix You

Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

James Dean II

Last week I knew nothing about James Dean apart from the fact I thought he looked very cool and did a movie called 'Rebel Without A Cause'. I've spent a week researching him now. There are some very sad and beautiful things that happened in his life but I'm not gonna cover any details of his life because I think all those details irrelevant. If you want to know them you can go to James Dean - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia and there's also a movie about him with James Franco playing him. What I think is important is what he stood for.

I thought James Dean was this 'Rebel' (a word been thrown about now ridiculously), a bad boy, or that guy at school who is so popular and cool. Well, that is not the case at all. James to me came across like some huge nerd who most likely would be the one in school who gets bullied cause he's so freakin weird, an outcast. To me, there is no mysteriousness around James Dean. It's simple. He lived for his craft. He loved to act. He was a great actor. It does annoy me somewhat that he is actually such an icon now. Not because I doubt he didn't have the talent to be such a well known actor, but because it seems he is so famous because of his attitude towards acting, which was basically, 'Don't act the character, be the character.' This seems pretty straight forward and obvious. If you are an actor, you shouldn't lie, you should act the 'truth'. It annoys me that clearly, this is what an actor should be, and it seems that all these other actors didn't/don't do that, which is why he was different, and why he stood out. Do your job properly or don't do it!!!! Don't half ass anything. If your scene tells you to punch someone cause you're so freakin angry, you fucking punch them like they just cursed over your mother's grave. That's the craft. That's art. The same can be related to anything about life. if you don't do something with everything you've got behind it, to the complete extreme, you're missing out, you're wasting such precious time.

It seems James wasn't afraid to stand up in a room full of people even if he stood alone, which is what everyone should strive for. You just gotta follow your own heart and beliefs and be the best you can possibly be. I do find it so sad that in society, something which should seem so blatantly obvious for everyone to do is just not done. What the hell is going on with the world? Humans are becoming slaves to themselves and prisoners in their own homes and lives. Fuck this bollocks I hate society. I wanna be an animal.













PS: I think the book name 'Portrait of Cool' is so shit and cheesy. I bet if James was alive he wouldn't allow a book about him to be published with that name!

The search for 'Underland'

In prep for another shoot we went out to some different woods this time looking for interest spots. It was absolutely pissing it down with rain just as we got there and half way through we had to stop and take off all our scarves and make a big canopy cause it was just TOOOO wet and cold. We were fucking DRENCHED! Wish I had a picture of us crouched down under this tree with scarves tied in all the branches above us it was just one of those moments you've got to love... we tried to get one but the rain was just so heavy the camera wouldn't focus and everything was just too wet, so we gave up very quickly and just took cover!!!!!!! :)

Found this great little spot just before it started chucking it down, very Alice in Underland-ey! PERFECT for Majik! Look at the lighting! It's SOOO beautiful! And the colours!! Godddddddd! Ignore me in the photo. Imagine the setting now with me dressed up in character with full makeup.. it's gonna be fucking amazing I'm excited to go back and do the proper shots!!! If you look carefully to the right of my head on the tree it also kind of looks like there are eyes coming out of the tree.... I'm thinking this is a job for Mr. Photoshop! I also love the way the tree I'm leaning on is split down the middle. So much character!!! Kind of like a gateway. You could just imagine it opening up and splitting apart. I love this tree!! And if you look behind me to the left in the more zoomed-out pic it looks a bit like fireflies or some kind of magical-ness (did I just invent a word?) in the background. Also considering some kind of photoshopping with my shadow to make it something else? Something creepy. OK I'm going on. Wait for the real pics!! Gonna be good!



Liked this tree stump too. It framed nicely. Nice colours too... Sad that the tree had been cut away though...

Eyes

Every photoshoot I've had recently I keep hearing the same thing thrown at me. I'm too strong. My face is too strong. My eyes are too strong. Lighten up. Compare the recent picture of me in the woods leaning on a tree (click here to view it in a new window) with this shot I just dug out from a shoot last year:



Something's going on. Eyes don't lie, that's one thing I've always believed. There's something being portrayed that I didn't even know was there now.. and I don't like it!

I can't help but think this is linked to love. Everything is it seems. I was in love during the shoot above. Now nothing is the same as it was before and I wonder exactly how much an affect loss has on everything, especially the first loss. Just when you think you understand your position, someone points something out so simple that throws you completely. "Your eyes are different." I've never received a criticism about my eyes, in fact up until now I've only ever received compliments and told it's my stand-out feature. Fucking scary if you ask me. Do you ever really know yourself or do you just think you do? How can you expect other people to know and receive who you are when you aren't sure if you do yourself? If it is love related, man, love fucks you up. Why play that game? Food for thought...

I finished my James Dean study yesterday but have yet to blog it. Seems he had a similar problem with people 'knowing' him. Reading about Marilyn Monroe now... I've already fallen in love with her character, she seemed so wonderful and intelligent the way she's being wrote about. Lots of pain though. Ain't that just the way it goes! So far, it seems that behind every great icon all there seems to be is pain. Also seems intelligence and pain are directly linked. Innocence must definitely be bliss!

Christopher Morley

Christopher Morley - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

James Dean I

The book got me thinking... I haven't read all of it yet but I'm in a thought-provoking mood right now. It seems the best thing one can do is to take one's self out of society. To unlearn everything you have ever been taught if you have been raised in society (which I have) and to start again. But once you take yourself out of society (which is what has been happening naturally for a long time with me), how do you then function in the society-driven world? How do you make money if you are not already established, and why should you have to wait until you are established to do it? How do you communicate when you don't want to and don't agree with the standard 'rules' of communication etiquette? Do you really have to smile if you don't want to? Do you have to laugh at a joke if you don't find it funny? No. But then people think you are rude and they won't want to talk to you again because they have not taken themselves out of society either and are still judging every minute of every day by standards that have been passed on to them, so what is the answer? How do you do it?

This relates to me and my career. I'm not the most sociable person. I love people, but only certain ones, not a lot. It takes a lot to break into my shell, more the older I get. And this whole online social scene I have now become a part of as a means of promoting my 'voice'. How is my voice supposed to be heard when every second things like MySpace, Facebook and Twitter are flooded with 2,000 messages of people saying things like 'they just saw someone on a train' or 'they just ate a muffin' or 'they are hungover' and the most trivial pieces of information nobody really cares about. Guess what? No one cares. But then the same can be said to me. Shut up no one cares. Why am I more important? I'm not really. The whole thing relates back to an idea I read about before, about how everybody in life wants to think they are important. They have to believe their life is important, and that it has worth, and that people are listening. But if your life isn't important to someone else, why say something? How do you get your life to be important to someone else? And how do you stand out? Why would someone want to read what I have to say, and why are you even reading this? This is something I can't get my head around. I believe what I have to say is important and that people should hear it, but then again, isn't that the case with everyone? What sets YOU apart from ME?

This also relates to something else I was reading about a while ago. Equality will never exist. This is an ideal people strive for which can never happen. The reason? Humans are not born equal, and no 2 humans are the same. Some people are better runners, better singers, have bigger arms, have the ability to think more, the ability to feel emotions stronger, deal with 'numbers' and math better, better talkers, better listeners, better leaders. People are not equal, but everyone is striving to be heard. Is it true to say that some people deserve to be heard more than others? Why? And why should someone listen? I haven't figured it out yet.

Another thing it reminds me of is a quote from the start of Gia:

"Sex was really easy. There was sex everywhere. It didn't really mean too much. Love, love was the hard thing to find. Even if you were looking for it, which not too many people were. And even if you found it, which not too many people did, even if it was right there in front of you. No; how could you see it with all the sex in the way?"

Jonna Lee

I'm obsessed.

Biro? .. Check! Nail polish? ....... Check!

Another long press day today where I'm just sat in front of my mac and the phone doing PR and contacting a billion people (of which half of them won't even reply anyway! Thanks a lot! One day you'll wish you replied!!)

I just took a break and noted down some lyrics that really stuck out to me in songs I was listening to. The subconscious mind is a funny thing!



Songs: (with Spotify links)
You took my love: Sade - No Ordinary Love
Pure as my sins allow & Broke every promise and proud: Siobhan Donaghy - Coming Up For Air
Sometimes engines just stall: Sarah Barton Keely - Engines (MySpace link not Spotify)
Keep my body warm baby & My heart races with you: Cass Foxx - Touch Me
I was hoping you were joking but I don't see a smile in sight: Cass Fox - Into The Blue (Acoustic) (Labelled wrongly in Spotify)
I wouldn't ever try to hurt you & I'm only human: The Human League - Human
If we'd only start believing & You and me we just laid down in the garden: Take That - The Garden (Abbey Road Version)
A star so bright you blind me & I have to believe: Take That - Rule The World (Abbey Road Version)
If they hurt you they hurt me too & We'll fall if we must: t.A.T.u - All About Us
You're broken when your heart's not open, If I could melt your heart & Let all the hurt inside of you die: Madonna - Frozen
I've never known completeness like being here: Lamb - Gorecki
Hungry still for more: Delerium - Silence

Mood boards

Just found these lying around. My friend Carla Levy (Makeup artist) made them July last year when we first started really working on Jack's visuals preparing for the first shoot. The first one is hair & makeup and the second is clothing.

Who's that girl?

My friend Stacey Riley just started blogging. Subscribe/Follow her! She's very cool! I am also doing the 23 clothing line with her.

thatgirlstaceyriley.blogspot.com

23

Song: Jimmy Eat World - 23

'23' is an up-and-coming project with my friend Stacey Riley, where we will be creating a clothing range based on the number 23.

The story behind the name is that lately the number 23 has been haunting her, and so I typed it into Google (as you do) to see what came up as a joke and this was at the top of the list: 23 Enigma - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Other notable mentions of the number 23 include:

- Mother and Father each contribute 23 chromosomes to the fertilized egg, while within the DNA coil of genetic metaprogramming instructions there are unexplained bonding irregularities every 23rd angstrom.
- A magic(k) word used commonly, Abrahadabra, is often split up as "Abra Kadabra." 2 and 3 syllables, respectively...
- In both ancient Sumeria and Egypt, July 23, when Sirius rises behind the sun, was the beginning of the new year.
- The letter W is 23rd in the alphabet and had two points down and three points up.
- It takes 23 seconds for blood to circulate through the human body.
- The human biorhythm cycle is 23 days.

- I am 23 this year.

- 9/11/2001 9+11+2+1 = 23

The list goes on. There are also some very spooky personal references to the number which I won't note here... There was also a movie about the 23 Enigma called 'The Number 23' (2007) starring Jim Carrey.

One day we were walking down the high street joking about this number as it kept coming up again and again and we kept passing beautiful clothes shops, not typical ones, like charity shops and just weird interesting shops, then it hit me that 23 would be a great name for a brand based on this. After a quick check on Google there didn't seem to be any other clothing lines doing the same thing.

There will be male and female clothes, all 1 of-a-kind and will be purchasable via a 23 site which will be blogged here when available. Each piece will encorporate the number somehow. On the 2 below, the woman's is self explanitory, but the men's is an inverted Latin cross (which has recently been recognized as an opposition to religion promoting free thought) with an XXIII (23 in Roman numerals) as the horizontal line. It also has a ! hidden in it, as well as '23' written at the top on the back made out of 23 small hoops.

'I love you' was too many words to say

Forget your life for a moment. Just lay down somewhere and look up to the sky and let life pass you by. Yeah, that's what I call living. Live for the little moments. Remember. Reflect. Grow.

Song: Take That - The Circus (Abbey Road Version)

And some other pics we took in the woods today...



"Nobody needs to prove to anybody what they're worthy of, just the person that they look at in the mirror. That's the only person you need to answer to. " - Picabo Street

The New Dean

My good friend/multi-talented artist/makeup artist/stylist/painter/singer/humanitarian/God's gift/etcetc Sabrina gave me a wonderful big book today on James Dean which covers his entire life. I have been interested in researching him in-depth for quite some time now but just didn't get around to it, so I am naturally very excited to read this book!! I will probably post up a case study sometime in the near future....

Trivial fact here, but my real last name is also Dean. Maybe we're related.. ?

Happy mothers' day by the way to all in England!



PS: Press, feel free to steal my headline. I don't mind. 'The New Dean' ... Has a nice ring to it!

Rock on!